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	Welcome to your source of short quotes. Smile & Enjoy!

I have collected quotations, and short funny jokes and oneliners

since 1999 to use for samples of fonts displayed on Font Garden, so this site has been in my mind for ages now! Most quotations are fun, but some comes with a bit of thought. You can rate them and submit your own. If you register you can view all your own submitted quotes and view their rank to keep track of them. If you don't want to register you can use the contact form to submit new quotations.

Quotations from famous persons tends to be more popular so they have received their own page here >>

NEWEST QUOTATIONS

• I'de rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. • I'de rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. • Fight Apathy. Or don't. • There is a fine line between fishing and just standing here! • Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. • I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around! • Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here! • When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something. • It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. • Trying is the first step toward failure.
HIGHEST RATED QUOTES

• When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago. • If my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN • Anything you say will be held against you. ... "tits"... • My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. • Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. • God would not have made me this creative if he wanted me to cook and clean. • I'm just a raggady ann living in a Barbie doll world! • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. • A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them to her dad. • Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!

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